A feminine product of peculiarity
She is strong, vague, nimble and soul boosting. She is my girl.
I’ve known her for 4 years now but our love story just started last month. She is Hazelle. A feminine product of peculiarity. She was my classmate during my 3rd and 4th year in Nursing. During the 1st semester of my 3rd year, I often see her staring at the window of our classroom. As if something peculiar like Batman becoming a postman or a nuclear missile is fast approaching to us. When our teacher calls her, she stands, gives her answer and that’s it. Back to reality. Staring. Fifteen minutes gone by, still staring. I never dare to approach her for I have also my own world. Besides having a 3 hour class 4:30-7:30 in the evening seems like running in a labyrinth of insanity. More often, whenever I felt my eyelids is going to drop, I look at her, visualizing a girl trapped in a maze where demons and angels collide yelling puh-leeze let me out of here!.
Things changed when we became group mates in our hospital duty. Me, an alien in that group without knowing what the hell they are doing or who are these people I’m dealing with. Same with her, a prodigal girl seeking nothing, summoning no one. The first day of our hospital duty came. It was in Abatan, a place somewhere in Benguet. It is a 1 ½ hour ride from Baguio . While on the road, I’m already planning to find an internet café in case I will fell a withdrawal syndrome. I look at her more often. Again, she stares at the window of the van. No response. Flat affect. I said to myself “Kawerdo talaga”.
When we reached the place, the group couldn’t decide on what room to take for the rest of our stay. Me, I just want to get out of there. She, every now and then looking at the place as if she is surveying something. After a long discussion, the group finally decided to take the house 50 pesos much expensive than the other in terms of rent. Hazelle and I were assigned with the cooking.Hazelle cooked tinola. The first words coming from her mouth after a long silence was “ Kakilala mo ba sila”. I said” Hindi eh, alien ako dito”. She then retorted” Pareho pala tayo”.
That conversation opened tunnels for exchanging of ideas, beliefs, norms and relationships. I’ve discovered that she recently broke up with her boyfriend after he caught him having an affair. Those conversations were filled with hatred, false pretence and shame. But she never cried during the course of our tsikahan nor felt sorry. Instead, she laughs and drives the conversation into greater bounds. I got to know her better. She is Hazelle. And I can now barely see her in my life. I ask her why she keeps on staring at the window of our classroom. She said “ Wala lang, gusto ko lang mag-isip ng kung ano”. Ah, that preceded my sanity over being judgmental. I told her “ Kala ko siraulo ka”.
Days, weeks and years have passed. That simple conversation leads me into the core of her life. She introduced herself as a woman of power. I had proven that a countless times especially when a never ending, deceiving and vague word appears- love. She often curses me for being so ridiculous and narrow minded when it comes to love. Whenever she encounters problems, she cries for at least a minute (30sec. was the fastest!). And then, she will ask me to take a walk. Then she opens a topic out of the sun encouraging even the nerves in your brain to ooze a liquid of laughter. She is Hazelle and she was still the best feminine product of peculiarity for me. And what about her ex-boyfriend? Well, believe it or not, there apartments are 5 meters away from each other. Adding to the fact that the girl of her ex-boyfriend lives there. What a scenario! I can’t imagine how on mother earth’s name did she endured the pains that keeps on puncturing her heart over the years. You wake up in the morning, seeing those two idiots holding hands and kissing. And in the night, you hear their laughter not to mention the two of them making love and you hear all the moans and crazy conversations. I asked her how on earth she was able to endure it. She said” Hayaan mo sila basta walang pakialamanan”.
She is Hazelle. She stands firm and divine.
Graduation came. I should now converge myself into traveling the path towards my goal. So is she. She took the board exams for Nurses. Meanwhile, I choose to teach in high school and at the same time writing in a local newspaper in or town halting my attempt to take the Nursing board examination. During that time, we communicated by texting and calling. When the result of the board exam came, her name was the one I first looked for over the internet .She passed the board. What a girl. A feminine product of peculiarity.
Things turned a little strange for me. I felt a sense of abnormality over my feelings to her. My day is complete if she calls or text me asking if I’m ok or what’s with the face today? She calls just to say that she and her niece are going to take a bath. So much for a nonsense talk but my heart beats and I’m with the clouds of joy every time she calls or text. It even came to a point where I personally go to Baguio all the way from Bataan ( my work is in there) just to see her.
One evening while we were talking about the film we’ve watched, she closed my eyes and kissed me in the lips. I felt like being kiss by a mystical force able to mend even the shattered glasses of time. It was good, soft, and static. I asked her why. She said” Yon ang nararamdaman ko eh”. An infinite number of stars suddenly protrude to my face. Was this a dream? Insanity? A joke? A portion of yari ka! In Bitoy’s Funniest Videos? But hell no. This is real. She loves me. The feminine product of peculiarity is in love with me.
The weird things are yet to be revealed. We have no monthsarry dates, no theme songs, and no favorite foods whatsoever. Only a motto- s**t happens!. Taking another step on the ladder of our story, she told me of things I had never expected to have had happened. She exploded. Ruptured. She voice out that she suffered so many dreadful nights, scorching her soul especially seeing those two idiots together. She cries when people are not around ( she even cried in the hospital hiding herself out of the curtains). She confessed about her views in expectations, fear, distractions, goals and sensitivity. I found a different Hazelle. This was the true Hazelle.
A feminine product of peculiarity yet vulnerable to the plagues of time. Upon hearing those unfortunate events that seemed too long been concealed, I begun to love her far more better that before. Hazelle is standing up but not alone. Someday I’ll make a bridge for her that would lead to her goals in life. I will remain below to catch her if she falls. But I know she won’t. She is strong, vague, nimble and soul boosting and most especially, she is with me.
Today is our monthsarry. And tomorrow. And the day after tomorrow. It was so weird that I usually smile in my class. People seemed to have known the core of their existence. But we have so much to learn. We have so much to shout for. Hazelle signifies the many faces of times. People who were stuck in a petrified portrait of expectations. People whom their weaknesses have no place in their environment. People who were denied of freedom. I will make Hazelle the Hazelle of her choice. I know I can. And I’m starting it now.
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